Skippy's List Three

300. Lord Skippy is no longer allowed to ask the king, "Hey, can I have my bottle back, DUDE."

301. Even if the king just chugged down Lord Skippy's Cordial.

302. Skippy Junior may not give the queen of the other side a stuffed plague rat he bought at war and declare that our side has won the war because the other side now is plague-ridden.

303. Lord Skippy should remember that swearing fealty thru the stall door of the men's room while His Majesty is having his daily constitutionary is NOT acceptable.

304. Squire Skippy should remember that "if ya ain't payin' for the beer, then ya shouldn't complain about it."

305. Duke Skippy should not "moon" the enemy's encampment, even if he is drunk and with old friends.

306. Duke Skippy should also not "woof his cookies" into his long-suffering squire's armor bag.

307. Lord Skippy is not allowed to use 'cattle" as a trebuchet/catapult fodder, even if it is a Stuffed Cow.

308. Celtic Skippy is not allowed to discuss going Regimental at a Demo.

309. A&S Skippy is not allowed to practice documented assassination techniques on any of the collective "Brass Hats", including the BOD.

310. And if Skippy does, he is not allowed to write a formal A&S paper with photos.

311. However, the Populace is allowed to debate if said assassination is A&S or service.

312. Squire Skippy will refrain from putting a rock in an A&S competition as a medieval weapon.

313. Lady Skippy the Autocrat and Lady Skippy the Co Autocrat may not Toast or Hoot and "Hollah" the WALK OF SHAME man with coffee at 7:30am, even if the Chick is not that light on the eyes.

314. Lady Skippy can tie a blue ribbon onto Husband Lord Skippy-san at an Event and but must come home with it....

315. Merchant Skippy isn't allowed to give out free coffee candy for the trip home to the children of annoying customers.

316. Even if the kids are misbehaving.

317. Even if they are already buzzing from too much sugar & caffeine already.

318. Especially if they are already buzzing from too much sugar & caffeine already.

319. Merchant Skippy is not allowed to wander around Pennsic with deerskin halter tops suggesting to Ladies that he has a "Couple of positions to fill on his staff."

320. Even if he has assorted sizes of halter tops.

321. Especially if he describes the positions as "Small, Medium, Large & "O MY GOD."

322. Merchant Skippy is not allowed to sponsor a night of exotic male dancing for the Ladies in the food court at Pennsic.

323. Even if he did have a Pickle Auction for the Lords.

324. Autocrat Skippy is not allowed to delegate the laying of the fire for the roast lamb to the blacksmiths.

325. Even if they are good at starting fires.

326. Especially if they get the fire hot enough to do pattern welding.

327. Head Cook Skippy will not bring her one person personal food processor to do a three-remove feast for 300.

328. Even if she hasn't done any prep work on the feast.

329. Especially if she didn't arrange enough help prior to the feast.

330. Sir Skippy shall not courteously hand his sword to the unarmed fighter who asks him for it during battle, without checking which side unarmed fighter is on, so as not to be killed by his own weapon.

331. Skippy the Archer is not allowed to take his bow down range when retrieving arrows from a clout shoot.

332. Especially if, instead of carrying them, he intends to shoot the arrows back.

333. And narrowly misses a peer, thereby guaranteeing a court right then and there!

334. Squire Skippy is not allowed to sing The Masturbation Song in front of the royalty of two kingdoms and a principality.

335. Even if His Majesty threatened him with being a pell unless he sang.

336. Even if it's the only song he knows.

337. Even if the Kings join in.

338. Especially if the Kings join in.

339. Squire Skippy shall not add a "beer tax" to the gate fee for all arriving after dark. Or before dark.

340. Lady Skippy, having shown the good sense to take her Coleman lantern outside her tent to refill it, on the ground, because the **** thing always spills while being refueled, will not light said lantern and then set it in the puddle of spilled fuel.

341. Skippy will not hold a tourney in a land that was claimed for An Tir by Dame Rowan over a decade earlier.

342. Especially since nobody has seen fit to argue against Rowan's claim to all of the lands of ancient Arabia, Persia, the Desert Kingdoms, and all that lies between the Mediterranean and the Cape.

343. Especially since An Tir should be declaring war on Drachenwald posthaste... (Refer to item 102.)

344. Baroness Skippy will not at any time say especially during Business Meetings, Sergeants' Trials , and gatherings or in court, "I've been thinking ..."

345. Upon hearing these fateful words, members of populace (especially Skippy's sergeants) will not hide under tables, pretend to be asleep or bolt from the room.

346. Especially the ones too slow to run (due to physical conditions or resigned to her thinking).

347. There will be no blocking of the door so that those too slow to run are not the only ones left to be volunteered.

348. Not-quite-Baroness-yet Skippy (being Great with Child) will not look longingly at the ice cream bar someone is eating while they are walking in the door at an indoor event where she is sitting gate and say "Oh! That's looks so good!”

349. Especially when overheard by her populace, who are usually willing to take such comments at face value.

350. Especially when, 10 minutes after the fact, Not-quite-Baroness-yet Skippy is presented with a ice-cream truck, and a willing driver who was willing to follow A Viking Truck full of men wielding swords and yelling at him to pull over. (The bemused driver, after seeing and hearing of the situation, could not resist Doing A Good Deed, and came away from the experience seriously recompensed for his... wares, time, and trouble.)